What we grasp with our reason is more real than with our senses.

Last night I was part of the huge crowd that watched Ang Tanging Ina. I was with Bart, Mabz and Jojo (a co-employee courting Mabz). We stalled at the ticket booth for like half an hour deciding whether to go for Bruce Almighty or Tanging Ina. But since I made up my mind that I’d like a Pinoy flick and was adamantly persuading the two guys to patronize Filipino films they finally decided to just give in and spare them my litany.
The movie made us laugh and cry at the same time. There was one thing though that pissed me off. Twas the girl at the back who kept repeating every fucking word the casts were saying. Wanted so much to strangled her pretty neck or maybe gagged her in front of her boyfriend to shut her up.

***

i wish i could string words and make them as beautiful like this one....

gray

What will you think
when I reach for your hand
and place it over
my dancing heart
so that you might feel
the stirring you have caused
when the tiniest thoughts of you
trickle through my mind?

- an excerpt from Dyanna's poem Gray

Dante's Inferno

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Second Level of Hell

You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity. Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine, whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your fate.


I'm fucking screwed.

Take Care

Take care when you choose what to say. For once your words are spoken, they cannot be recalled. Take care when you choose the thoughts to hold in your mind.

For the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your thoughts.

Take care when you choose what to do with your time. Time passes quickly no matter what you do, so your best option is to make the very most of it.

Take care when setting the goals you will follow, and choose those that are truly yours. You're far more likely to attain those goals that have real meaning and are in line with your own special purpose.

Take care when living this day, this moment, this life with which you have been so richly blessed. Take care, enjoy, appreciate, and value it all.

Take care, for there is so very much for which to live.

-- Ralph Marston

from The Daily Motivator

Yet another rainy day...

Received an e-mail from a concerned co-employee that we will be expecting heavy rains tonight (with attached data gathered from accuweather) and therefore should take all necessary precautions.

Shit, now I have to wrap my bed in plastic.

Yes. It also rains inside our house.

***

Notice how rainy days make you feel melodramatic and/or nostalgic. It’s like sunsets – wherein we sink into our own reveries and are silenced by its phenomena.

Thank you for listening cha. :)

****

Weekend:

Swimming under the soft rain and overcast clouds. No television. Dinner at the roofdeck with a spectacular view of the city below. Brainstorming for the upcoming activities of CPAP. A bottle of tequila and beer as chaser. The Little Prince. Rough me up!!!! Larry on his futile attempt to be THE MAN... hhaha. Pathetic. More rain. The ride back home.


****

One of my favorite song ever.

AT YOUR BEST
Aaliyah

When I feel what I feel
Sometimes it's hard to tell you so
You may not be in the mood to learn what you think you know
There are times when I find
You want to keep yourself from me
When I don't have the strength; I'm just a mirror to what I see

But at your best you are love
You're a positive motivating force within my life
Should you ever feel the need to wonder why
Let me know, let me know. . .

When you feel what you feel
Oh, how hard for me to understand
So many things have happened before this love affair began
But when you feel, oh, like I feel
Confusion can give way to doubt
And there are times when I fall short of what I say,
what I say I'm all about, all about

But at your best you are love
You're a positive motivating force within my life
Should you ever feel the need to wonder why
Let me know, let me know. . .

I’ll be in Antipolo tomorrow. I’m having second thoughts on going because I’m broke but I remember that I have already volunteered on bringing rice so I guess that leaves me no choice but to go. On the other hand, I might treat it as a weekend respite, catch up on reading (as I do every weekend), commune with nature and maybe contemplate on things. ^_^

Was at Megamall. Watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days with Bart. The movie was funny and entertaining, though not the kind that would win the hearts of those who do not go for the Hollywood-romantic-light-comedy-kind of film. I specifically enjoyed the part where Andie (Kate Hudson) ruined Benjamin (McConaughey) and his friend’s poker game. It’s basically a feel good movie, and I like the soundtrack.

***

Happy birthday to my sister, Lanie!

AARRGGHH!!
ok, just had to let that out

I’ve never felt so ugly, fat (nyek!) and so invisible today. Probably having bouts of depression and low self-esteem because of this thick hot lava flowing out of me. And my tummy hurts like hell. Damn, I hate this being like this.


***

Shameless Plug

Made a few almost unnoticeable changes on my blog. Parang awa nio na – sign my guestbook!

Lunch with some of my CPAP orgmates. Usap-usap tungkol sa teambuilding happening this Saturday. We'll be using the resthouse of Michelle's lola in Antipolo. Food na lang and transpo ang proproblemahin. I hope after this teambuilding mga wala na kaming hiya sa isa't-isa. Raymond is bringing booze. Ika nga "Idaan na lang yan sa maboteng usapan". Hee.

***

Got my APE results. Fortunately aside from being underweight I’m physically fit. No findings on my urine, blood and breast exam. Buo pa naman yung baga ko. Buti na lang talaga. I couldn’t afford getting sick.

My sisters once again swayed me into watching Meteor Garden before going to the gym. So I sat there, habang pinanonood ang F4 na nagtatampisaw sa dagat.

“Ano ba yan… ang papayat!! Ang sweet nila oh. Parang mga bading”, sigaw ko sabay tawa. Found my sisters glaring at me. Pati yung mga bata sa silong namin ang sama ng tingin sa kin. Minabuti ko na lang na manahimik. Alam mo yung feeling na sinapian na yong mga nasa paligid mo. Haha. Para sinaniban na tong mga to, isip ko. Naalala ko tuloy yung Shaider, kung saan ginagamit ng kalaban ang media o kaya naman lahat ng bagay na accessible sa public para mas epektib ang paghi-hypnotize. Eto na kaya yun? Haha…

* Swooning in the background * Pagtingin ko sa tv nagkita si Dao at Shan Cai sa campus. Next scene, pinapakain ni Dao si Shan Cai ng marami. * More swooning – mas malakas na * Grabeh!

***

Got home from Bart's place at 1 a.m. in the morning. The night ended up me going home alone. Yes, we had another huge fight. If I had known my day would turn out like this I should have stayed home. Right now I don't feel sleepy at all, just hungry.

Something has to happen
I don’t know what it is
I don’t even know how to get there
Desperation and urgency starts to seep in
And it’s just too overwhelming,
I feel like giving up…


Something has to happen
I don’t know what it is
I just keep on praying
I hope it will come soon…


***

This guy makes great pictures. And he’s being paid big time. Wow. How lucky can that get? You get to go to spectacular places, meet beautiful people and do the very thing you’ve always wanted to do.

Makes my job way too dull being cooped up here in the office all day. Sigh. Oh well…

***

Another week ends. Thank fuck for that! Right now I’m getting my hands on our instrument index. The task doesn’t require much of brain exercise but at least this is something I could while away in the office while waiting for the vendor datasheets to arrive.

Phone conversation from a pesky credit card agent:

Ms. CA: Mam, ako po yung dati nyong agent sa --- credit card. Nabigyan po ba kayo?
Me: Oo. * deadline kooooh *
Ms. CA: Kamusta naman po.
Me: Ok lang * annoo baahhh *
Ms. CA: Ahh, mam baka gusto ninyo ipatransfer yung balance nung credit card mo to @*#(% (bank).
Me: Di na lang. (medyo asar na yung tono ng boses ko)
Ms. CA: Eh mam baka meron kayong ka-officemate dyan na gusto mag-apply pede po ipasa nio yung phone para makausap ko.
Me: * grabe ang lupit nito * wala eh uhmm…* di na ko nakatiis * busy kasi ako ngayon pede ko na ba ibaba yung phone?
Ms. CA: * long pause * ganun ba… o sige mam tatawag na lang ako some other time.

Kahit wag na!

Goddess of the Moon. Beauty, yet a sadness lurks
about you at times. But hey, pain is beauty,
right?


What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla


***

For lack of anything to blog about I simply resorted to posting my horoscope for the day. It does somehow reach a level of truth as to what my situation is right now.


Libra 9/23 - 10/23

The moment has come to affirm your individuality and your life choices, dear Libra. The planetary energy will make you work hard to rethink the number of obligations you take on. Admit it, they have been weighing you down. You can exist comfortably without them, and accomplish all that you do with much more effectiveness and enthusiasm if you lighten your load. By all means, liberate yourself!


***

You got to see this.

Ang lupit!

Postlets


.: For those Meteor Garden fanatics out there, click this link. Nandito yung synopsis nung nineteen episodes ng inyong kinababaliwan ninyong soap opera.

.: Stole this from a friend’s LJ.

What I value from a partner would be his love and respect for me. But whatever he did before we went steady is none of my business. What I'm looking for in a person is someone who is compatible with me--someone who dreams big like I do, someone who has an open mind, someone who will always be there when I need him, and kind. And unlike other people, I wouldn't get involved with some guy because he's the only guy around to catch me fall from a previous relationship.

Very well said Randz, you’re a kick-ass genius.

.: You definitely need a good thwack in the head. Lolz.

.: So far I have spoken aprroximately 48 words since I came in the office. No one’s talking to me. Maybe it’s because I’m not talking to them either. I don’t know. I’m just not chatty with people I’m not close to. Dang! * depression slowly creeping in *

.: At the end of the day, I only got one sms message received. Pls, pakitabi lang yung mga sharp objects sa paligid ko.

.: I read somewhere: There's more raw emotion in one soccer game than in a whole season of Dawson's Creek ... but I guess that's what happens when every step is a near-death experience. Nga naman. Me point ka eh.

.: I missed you. Magparamdam ka naman sa amin ni Peter kahit text lang. Kamusta ka na dyan? Pinagbubuhat ka ba nga mga pressure valves dyan? Pinapaakyat sa boiler tanks? Heellloooo….

.: Just realized that after reading this you’d probably think na na-mimiss lang kita dahil bored ako. Heee… Di ah! * whistles innocently * actually desperada na ko. Taena wala ko makausap dito! Ang tatanda ng mga katabi ko. Pagkinausap mo dapat related sa trabaho. Waahhh!!

Had my shot of yahoo’s palm reading today. It says:


.: You have a good imagination, and often exhibit sensitivity to others.

.: You may have trouble concentrating or focusing your attention, especially under stress.

.: There is a tremendous amount of intensity in your mental processes.

.: You are a warm-hearted person, with much love to give. Your high energy level enhances your ability to express affection.

.: There may be times in your life when you give in to feelings of sadness or depression.

.: You are likely to make decisions based on intuition or feelings rather than intellect.

.: Your personality is dynamic and attractive to most people. The more branches you find in your heart line, the more friends and lovers you will have. Your sincerity and compassion make people like you even more.

.: There are inconsistencies in your energy level, possibly triggered by external factors or emotional changes.

.: Your high energy level draws people to you.

.: You have a basically strong constitution, and should enjoy good health most of the time.

.: You are likely to make many changes in the direction of your life. This may be based on interruptions due to health problems, or it may be that you just have trouble focusing your energy.

.: There is a strong intuitive side to your nature, which may border on psychic or mystical ability.


Here, try it.

3:36 p.m. Sigh. I want to go home.

I dedicate this song sa lahat ng mga late-bloomers. Sa mga di naging prom queen and muses sa intramurals. Sa ating mga walang boobs at underdeveloped bodies nung high-school. Sa mga walang date sa school dance. I remember reading this line from a book (or maybe sa movies..?) ‘high-school is like a fever, you’ll soon get over it.’ Even though the we were at odds nung kasagsagan ng ating teenage life… pana-panahon pa rin yan! You’ll see, nasa sa atin pa rin ang huling halakhak! Nyahahaha….


AT SEVENTEEN

(Janis Ian)

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth
And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say – come dance with me
And murmured vague obscenities
It isn’t all it seems at seventeen
A brown eyed girl in hand me downs
Whose name I never could pronounce
Said – pity please the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve
The rich relationed hometown queen
Marries into what she needs
With a guarantee of company
And haven for the elderly
So remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
In debentures of quality and dubious integrity
Their small-town eyes will gape at you
In dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received at seventeen

To those of us who knew the pain
Of valentines that never came
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball
It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
When dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me
We all play the game, and when we dare
We cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
That call and say – come on, dance with me
And murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me, at seventeen

I walked across our street without an umbrella, the soft drizzle making tiny dots on my long-sleeved shirt.
The chilly dawn presages into what will be a rainy morning.

The street was empty save for an elderly woman holding up an umbrella while the other hand clutching a brown bag containing hot pandesal (salted bread). As she walked past me the distinct smell of the bread whizzed past my nose. I was suddenly hungry. There were no drunken men sleeping on the benches, no tsismosas drinking coffee at Aling Nita’s carinderia starting their day with the latest juicy news about another neighbor. There were no dogs lying around and the street is not littered with dog poops. I smiled as I lazily walked across the small puddles of water, while taking in deep breaths savoring the crisp smell of wet leaves and the chilly air.

Save for frequent flooding and traffic I do love rainy days.

Went home at around four in the afternoon. Stopped by at a cake shop and bought a huge cake and bouquet of red roses for my Mom.

Happy mother's day! ^_^

***

Just got home from Renz' place. We celebrated Bart's birthday there with two cases of red horse beer and lots of junk foods for pulutan. Before that Bart and me was at Thess’ house. She threw a little graduation party after spending six years in college. When we got there it turned out that we were the first to arrive. As usual, nag-backout most of our classmates nung araw ding yun. Even Mara, ditched us. Only Maricar and Jonathan made it. Thess was so devastated. It was so obvious she prepared real hard for this get together thing. Ang daming pagkain. Nandun nga yung friends nia sa bahay pero she was expecting her batchmates to come. I had this huge urge to call them all up at isa isang pagmumurahin. Mga wala talagang isang salita. Napaka-inconsiderate. Anyway, after eating the 4 of us donned a couple of beers. More neighbor friends came which Thess called up the last minute. Nung sigurado na ko na ok na si Thess and busy entertaining her friends nagpaalam na kami ni Bart. We invited Maricar and Jo to come with us. Jo declined while Maricar was a bit hesitant coz she didn’t know any of my friends and at the same time didn’t know where to stay coz its a bit late na rin and she told her folks that she'll b sleeping over at a friend’s house. We assured her na she won’t feel out of place and that makukulit yung tropa namin dun. She finally accepted.

So yun pagdating namin kila Renz simula na naman ang walang humpay na inuman at kulitan. Si Norman bida-bida na naman … lam na… me bebot kasi akong dala. Hehe. Si Lad brooding dahil wala ang kanyang Abigail. I was extra sweet that night with Bart. Siyempre pa birthday ni fafa eh. Pero really, last night made me think that maybe we could save this relationship.

Though its quite obvious that most of the time conflicts and indifferences overwhelm us, it’s also clear that we still do love each other. Maybe if we could learn to listen again, we might begin to understand. Maybe if we could open up more we might be able to reach out. Maybe...

What is your true North?

CPAP Topic yesterday was about Strategic and Departmental Tactical Plans Formulation, Roll-out and Their Contributions to FDIP.

Here are some notes I have scribbled during the lecture, I’ve sort of put it in an un-technical statement and make it look more like tips for realizing my personal pursuit in life.

It’s not enough that you see yourself and your vision. You have to make necessary steps for you to be able to reach that vision. That’s what your (strategic) goals are for. It bridges you towards it. And to effectively link yourself towards that vision you need pillars (tactical goals) that would support your (strategic) goals.

Also you need to some form of measurement as a form of indication and even affirmation that what you envision yourself to be in a certain time is really happening.

So there...

Di ako nakapasok kahapon. Wala na kasi akong magawa. Mahirap yatang magkunwari na me ginagawa ka noh. Been doing that these past few days. Kunwari eh nakakunot pa ang noo sa pagtitig sa mga instrument tags pero wag ka tulog na ko nun. Na-praktis ko na kasi yung pagtulog ng nakaupo at dilat nung nago-ojt pa kami dito hehe.

Pagsakay ko sa FX (kanya-kanyang carpool na kami ngayon simula nung tinanggal ng bagong GM namin yung shuttle) sinalubong ako ng mga makukulit na pipers ng kantyaw. Dalawang araw na raw silang naghihintay sa kin dun (sinusundo nila ako sa may Magallanes). Lol. Di rin kasi nila alam cell number ko. Eh nakapagtext ako ke Mang Maeng (ung me-ari ng FX) 7:30 na.

So eto na ko ngayon. Checking e-mails. Masakit dito bumulaga sa king ang mga e-mail ni Sir Mark (Lead ko sa Vendor Datasheets), sangkatutak naman ngayon ang dumating na trabaho. Sigh. Talaga naman. Parang nakakaloka talaga tong mga taga-Houston. Kaya nag-blog na ko para di mahati mamaya ang attensyon ko.

***

Meron nga pala kong nadiskubre na bagong salitang bakla. CHENELIN – di ko lang sure kung yung nga yung spelling. Regarding its definition wala rin akong idea. Wala lang. Parang ang kewl lang sabihin hehe.

***

Kagabi I was hanging out sa parlor namin. Sobrang init kasi sa taas at lahat sila meron ng kanya-kanyang position sa banig na nakalatag sa sala. Wala na kong mapuwestuhan. Habang nakaupo ako at tahimik na nagbabasa ng pahayagan (naks!) merong nagsabi na pabili daw ng yelo. Tinanong ko kung ilan. Dalawa daw. Dali-dali akong pumunta sa kusina para kumuha ng dalawang yelo. Napansin ko si Pops (kapapasok lang) eh nagwawala na dun sa parlor. Ganyan lang yan pag-nakakita ng ombre o papa o di naman kaya eh na-exorcist lang. Pagbalik ko dala yung yelo sumilip na ko dun sa labas at ayun nga – ang dahilan ng pagpapacute ni Pops – papa nga yung bumibili ng yelo. Matangkad siya, malinis, malaki ang katawan tapos cute talaga. Bigla akong na-conscious sa gulagulanit kong T-shirt at me butas na shorts. Pag-alis nung lalaki tinanong ko si Pops kung kilala niya yun, sabi sa kin nung bakla nakatira daw sa bagong apartment sa may kanto. He’s taking up Medicine daw. Wow. Ang tagal ko na yatang talagang nakakulong sa loob ng bahay namin. Akala ko eh yung mga lalaking kasing edad ko sa street namin eh kung hindi tambay, may-asawa na o kaya naman e pusher.

***

Napanood ko na rin yung pinag-uusapan palagi ng dalawa kong kapatid at pinsan yung Meteor Garden. It starts at 4 pm kaya no way na mapanood ko siya since I come home at around 5 pm. Parang walang sense yung mga characters ng F4 (tama ba ko dun), yung red card thing with the words “You’ll be dead” (huh?!).
A bunch of chekwa/conyotic/na ala-boyband/ob-ob clique na walang magawa sa buhay. Yung girl dun is Yuki Nakama, from the Ring. Natawa lang ako dun sa scene kung san Yuki’s family were having their dinner. “Haay. Pano ba to. Yung tatay ni --- (forgot his name) CEO nagbebenta ng --- samantalang yung tatay ko nagbebenta ng dugo”, she muttered while watching her parents share a piece of fish she refused to eat. Lol.

Neutral:
Harmony and balance is key. You don't look at the
world in a negative or positive way and you'll
never judge or assume a situation- you just
look at the facts. People like you are peaceful
and accepting.


What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla

Good morning to you all! ^_^

Swedish proverb

"Fear less, hope more;

Whine less, breathe more;

Talk less, say more;

Hate less, love more;

And all good things are yours."

I have nothing to do today. Since we haven’t received vendor datasheets from Houston office for the past three days and I am slowly running out of things to do, I've decided to take a little "me" time. Which means that I am doing nothing but frivolous, things not related to work but IIIII feel like doing. The aforementioned frivolity includes, but is not limited to, the following activities / nonactivities:

.: Reading some blogs.

.: Forwarding forwarded e-mails to friends.

.: Staring off into space while chewing the rest of my week-old gummybears.

.: Chatting with friends.

.: Checking out jobs on-line for my sister and Arlene.

.: Reading archived YM conversations.

.: Cleaning my desk.

.: Sharpen and re-sharpen my color pencils.

.: Taking on-line quizzes.

And I'm getting paid. *winks*



****

Taena ang sakit ng katawan ko. X_x

Started working out last Saturday. I’m aiming for the woman’s figure of my new layout. Hehe … Wishful thiniking.

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

The result ain't that much accurate but what the heck... the picture is such a cutie! Yay!!!

Signed myself up to a nearby gym last night. I overheard from our gay beautician that his friend opened up a month ago a gym at Decena St. and he was telling his customer that it was well equipped and very spacious and clean unlike the other small gyms situated in our area. Since I have nothing else to do after I got home from work except to watch TV and plan what to wear for the next day I figured that this might be a good if not healthy diversion. I phoned them and asked if I could come and check the place out. It turned out to be ok. The gym was on the 5th floor of a residential building across the street from where I lived. As I got up there I found the gym deserted except for the male and female instructors. The very buffed woman approached me and was the one who answered my inquiries. She told me that most of their members come in the mornings and later in the evening, which was fine with me. That would mean I wouldn’t have to wait for my turn using their gym equipment. She also told me that they conduct taebo and aero class everyday from 8-9 pm and most of the members are female. I was also given quick touring of their amenities.

After that I found myself singing up their membership form while she continued blabbing about the advantageas of working out blah blah blah… I was on the other hand busy mentally planning on where to buy my gym outfit. Hee.