....sound trip ako ngayon...^_^

peter -- saw your journal nah.. kewl

...advice from a friend-with-a-dysfunctional-mind... don't settle for less. You deserve more than he is treating you.

liz_stardust (7:36:11 AM): grabeh panaginip ko kagabi
liz_stardust (7:36:13 AM): kakaloka
twonavels (7:36:25 AM): boys?
twonavels (7:36:25 AM): hehe
liz_stardust (7:36:31 AM): di nga eh
liz_stardust (7:36:34 AM): girls!??
twonavels (7:36:44 AM): ay ok yan
liz_stardust (7:36:53 AM): i've been involved kasi on a lesbian relationships nung highschool ako
twonavels (7:37:06 AM): all girls ba kayo?
liz_stardust (7:37:12 AM): yeah
twonavels (7:37:21 AM): normal yan, nabasa ko
liz_stardust (7:38:31 AM): anyways, nagkita daw kami nung isa kong ka-on tapos chika-chika
liz_stardust (7:38:37 AM): then suddenly we kissed
liz_stardust (7:38:46 AM): i was actually enjoying it
liz_stardust (7:38:57 AM): then my bf showed up
twonavels (7:39:04 AM): really?
liz_stardust (7:39:06 AM): yeah
liz_stardust (7:39:13 AM): apparently i don't even care
liz_stardust (7:39:19 AM): mas pinili ko ung gurl
twonavels (7:39:19 AM): kissing is fun naman... sometimes I kiss without romantic feelings, yung for the kicks of it lang
liz_stardust (7:39:37 AM): ano ba yun baka lesbiana talaga ang lola mo haha
twonavels (7:40:15 AM): actually sexuality is dynamic.. may triggers daw yan to drive you lesbian and to drive you straight....
twonavels (7:40:27 AM): i think freud said that hehe
twonavels (7:41:02 AM): may scale yan kungyari from 1 to 10
twonavels (7:41:08 AM): where 5 is the perfect bisexual
twonavels (7:41:18 AM): you move up and down the scale due to triggers
liz_stardust (7:41:21 AM): hehe baka nga bisexual ako
liz_stardust (7:41:32 AM): well 70percent straight, 30 percent gay
liz_stardust (7:41:34 AM): hehe
twonavels (7:41:36 AM): straight ako nung bata ako, lahat ng crushes ko babae
liz_stardust (7:41:39 AM): baliw na talaga ko
liz_stardust (7:41:45 AM): really

..I have officially evolved to being a fangirl... love it!

a friend asked : how do you keep a moonbeam in your hand?

i don't .... i just let it shroud me with its mystery and quiet elegance...

"it will always be the unsaid hello"

when finally our shores meet.
the unspoken messages our eyes exchange
will bridge distances-imagined and real-
existing between us.

you are sky; i am sea:
the illusion of separation
is such that we do not understand
each other's texture, taste and tongue.

i feel as if-though close i might be-
no amount of force will unite
limb to limb, life to life, heart to heart.
so our substances remain disjointed.

but even the sky meets the sea,
somewhere,somehow, when god allows fusion
in this world of oil and water, virtue
and vice, solid, liquid and gas.

and it will always come down to
the unsaid hellos, the understood farewells,
that bind my heart to yours-when finally,
if ever finally-our shores do meet.

... keech gave me this poem... ^_^ thanks!

I resolve to be productive today. Really.


Things I need to do:

... update my resume
... keep a file on How to Make Instruments Datasheets
...print the latest issue of Vendor P&IDs
... start developing the work instruction Sir Rudy is asking me

The Grand Alumni last Friday was unenventful - in short, boring. The venue was lovely though. Was thinking of having the reception of my dream wedding there. *Now what was that all about?* After dinner, we quietly disappeared on our table, met at the parking lot then headed to a bar.

Will be swamped with activities this weekend. A date with my baby then Peace Camp in U.P on Friday, swimming with college batchmates on Saturday. Looks like my social life is picking up again... Ho-hum.. Though I'm having second thoughts with the trekking idea Jason is coming up with this coming March. Ruth and Sir Vic was all out on it, and I was feeling kind of fuzzy *must be because of the beers I consumed* so I was easily swayed into going. Did I ever told you I'm afraid of heights?

... feeling insightful today.. downright spiffy... smiles... shhhh...

I sure like to think of myself as being serious - though some would think that I'm much taken to frivolity, particularly during my moments of drunken stupor, I'd say that I'd much prefer a quiet retreat in our house, in my room, like on a dull sunday afternoon away from the noise and confusion outside. =)

It’s such a waste when you have discovered something really nice and you’re so all excited and itching to tell your friends about it come lunchtime but can’t because you know that they are not at all familiar and interested with what you’re going to say.

*****

Love, love this song. It totally echoes my sentiments.


"Bring Me To Life"
(Evanescence feat. Paul McCoy)

How can you see into my eyes, like open doors.
Leading you down into my core, where I've become so numb.
Without a soul, my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold, until you find it there and lead it back home.

(Wake me up. Wake me up inside.
I can't wake up. Wake me up inside.
Save me. Call my name and save me from the dark.
Wake me up. Bid my blood to run.
I can't wake up. Before I come undone.
Save me. Save me from the nothing I've become.)

Now that I know what I'm without, you can't just leave me.
Breathe into me and make me real. Bring me to life.

[Chorus]

Bring me to life. I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside. Bring me to life.

Frozen inside without your touch, without your love, darling.
Only you are the life among the dead.

All of this sight, I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me

I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems.
I've got to open my eyes to everything.

Without a thought
Without a voice
Without a soul

Don't let me die here
There must be something wrong.
Bring me to life.

[Chorus]

Bring me to life.
I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside.

Bring me to life

*****
... dreamt of buying lots of blankets last night. I was digging on this big box that reaches my waist and I was so mesmerized by the colors of different fabrics I pulled out that I ended buying most of them. There was a red and blue satin blanket, the purple cotton sheet I've been lusting for in one dept. store and lots of quilts. As I was handing over my bill to the old lady, she just shook her head, smiled gently and said, "Wag ka nang magbayad, ineng. Para sa iyo talaga yan". That's when the alarm woke me up.

The sad thing about good dreams is that most of them just vanish when you woke up. You only get to remember fragments of them but when conciousness settle in it steals them away from you. And then you're left with nightmares.

Have I told you that you hold the balance in me?

****

Our project secretary never fails to make it a point to mispell my name. I have told her three times that my second name goes with a z and not s. But no, she wouldn't listen. Want to strangle her pretty neck.

****

After lunch I attended a meeting on E&CS Department Orientation. It took 2 hours and I was trying really hard not to fall asleep. I shifted my weight in the chair, pinched my thighs, write incoherent thoughts on paper... no can do. My eyes began to feel heavy and I could feel my head drooping sideways. Noticed our dept. head looked at me and that jolted me out of my drowsiness.

According to the sticks I scribbled during the entire orientation, our dept. head cleared his throat fifty-eight times. By the way, that's his trademark.

*****

Last night after work my officemates/friends went to the mall in search of shoes. Finally found what I wanted. I bought one pair of sandals and a black semi-boots shoes. Should have bought some blouse and bags but Bart was dragging me out of the boutiques. Watched Daredevil instead.

I’ve had it with this sucky Intools. It kicks me out everytime I’m on a deadline. Trying to connect wasted 5 minutes of my precious time. Right now I’m trying to ignore the urge to hurl my keyboard against the monitor. Breathe, breathe. One… two…three...

Pretending my keyboard is a piano.

Try it. It’s very therapeutic. Ü

*****

I have the weirdest phone conversation with this guy from piping dept yesterday afternoon.

Me: Hello
Guy: Uhhmmm… Is this Mona?
Me: Yes. Sino to?
Guy: I’m ---- from piping may nagtext kasi sa kin sabi tawagan daw kita 2119 ang local no.
Me: Huh? (Do not know what the guy is talking about.) Sino?
Guy: Di ko alam eh. Naka-1st Wap siya eh kaya walang number.
Me: (Hello!? Nakalagay po dun yung number ng nagsend ng SMS no! Gumagamit kaya ko non!) Ganun ba? Uhmm (Couldn’t think of anything to say to him)
Guy: OK sinabi ko lang kasi baka me sasabihin ka importante or something.
Me: (Duh?) Ok sige bye.
Guy: Bye.

After the phone call he sent an e-mail saying sorry and all that stuff. I replied back saying its nothing. But this bloke is getting persistent. He replied with one-liners that is so cheesy it made me cringe. I never replied back.

This morning he e-mailed again. Good morning daw. What the fuck?!!!

THIS is way too much.... I'm blogging this down zaldy kasi ayokong makalimutan tong sinabi mong ito....

r---_d--- (2/18/03 11:18:29 AM): R--- D--- (E-mail):
aiurz: magsamasama kayong mga hindot kayo

Thanks for revealing the real YOU. Just wish I had figured you out sooner.

*****

Still no call from Bart. Petty fight last night. I caught him lying in the middle of our conversation. It's so him. He didn't even realized that he slipped and said the words he'd been meaning to hide from me. It got me pissed off. I mean, how can I trust him when he lie even on the simplest things?

*****

Spank me hard. Been neglecting my blog for the past few days. Ok, so here's what I've been up to lately:

Friday (February 14, 2003)

WHAT'S the big deal with Valentine's Day - it's just one of them days!!! It's just the same cycle of loving and losing.

Itching my way out of the office. I kept thinking of ways to spend all the money I have in my atm card. Che and the others are planning on spending valentine's getting drunk at El Pueblo later. Me on the other hand will definitely be drunk over at Renz' place with some of The Guardian tropa. After work, me, Che and Aileen dropped by at Galleria to windowshop and withdraw cash. It took us almost 30 minutes waiting in line that after withdrawing we decided to go to our own way instead.

Apparently, the whole gang of The Guardian Publication and some tropa at Student Council was there. Everyone was so busy catching up on each other. Maggie, Rx, Sani and Dyani were able to come. Then Joan, Clarissa and Mcke dropped by.



Saturday (February 15, 2003)

Woke up around 9 A.M with a terrible hang-over. Feel like I've got a big rock taped on the back of my head. Fuck! Others were still asleep. Tangina sakit ng ulo ko! ... Tulog nga ulit ako.

Lunchtime. The best lunch I've ever had. Abbie and I prepared buko salad for dessert while Renz cooked our lunch. Bart was super masipag that day cleaning the mess we made that evening, sweeping the backyard and we were badgering questions like "Anong nakain mo?" Lunch was nilagang baboy and afritada, we all ate in banana leaves sprawled in the table (to save us from washing too many dishes).

Lines that made me laugh so hard:

Aries: Siyam na taon.... Siyam na taon kitang pinagaral... maghahalo ka lang pala ng arnibal!!
Aries: Sori ha Jollibee. (to Renz)





Sunday (February 16, 2003)

Bart and I went to the mall at around 1 P.M. Found the perfect beige slacks at Karimadon but decided to look around first if I could find something more cheaper. After combing almost the entire boutiques at Rob Manila I made up my mind and settled for Karimadon's slacks. Couldn't find a spanking pair of shoes but was able to buy a cute sunflower ring, a swatch watch, and a necklace at the tiangge.

For you: I don't care if you won't give me flowers or chocolates or gifts. I just don't like it when you promise something that don't come through. Don't give me false hopes Bart... Sometimes when you tell me things I do not know if I would believe you. And it breaks me...

** Whats in my name **

My friend took a name analysis of my name of course! hehe and the results are quite accurate...

1. You want to be productive and feel useful, and enjoy helping solve problems. You like to be busy and not waste time. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You have a diplomatic flair to your nature. Equality and fairness are important to you. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You are compassionate, highly imaginative and creative. You have a need to be up front.

2. You are an overly sensitive person, often falling into a savior-martyr role. You are very skeptical and have more than your share of bad luck. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection. You need to learn when to let go. You are a constructive thinker. You have a need for monetary security. You need to learn flexibility. Your independence and freedom are important to you.

3. You have a need to communicate and express yourself. You are inclined to over intellectualize, and hate to be misquoted. You try to be prudent. You have good business acumen. You need to learn faith in place of fear. You need to learn flexibility. You must learn the lessons of self-worth; learn to love yourself before you can love others. You have a need to be up front. You have a need to earn money to prove your success to society and must learn the true value of material gains and status.



try yours here

*****

A friend e-mailed me a picture of the actress who played Sadako. She's surprisingly pretty for a girl who scared the shit out of us viewers. The name's Yuki Nakama. Hee. =) What? So I have a dirty mind. Sue me.

*****
My back aches. Did my laundry yesterday morning. Apparently the brother of our househelp decided to take her away from us and have her work in a factory. We could barely hide our disappointment, that would mean we are left on our own to clean the house and do the laundry. To add up to that I am short of cash so there is no way I could go the laundry shop. Sheesh.


*****
I am such an asshole last night. What was the nagging all about? Of course I know he's over at Renz' the whole day. They're busy tending their small business there. So why was I angry? I guess I feel left out from my old friends. =( Jealous even. I don't hang out with them often like I did before. I feel like I have become just a girlfriend of a tropa na lang. Going to apologize to him for being such a jerk.

Finally, I will not bore myself to death this weekend. Borrowed the 2nd season of Sex and the City vcds. Yippee!

*****

Love is like breathing. U take it in and let it out. She’s Come Undone

Well, I chose to take it in, let it out and take it in. Bart and I decided to start over again. Ü Finally, I’m at peace with the world again.

Townhall Meeting.... Yay! Me incentive na sa feb. 14. Woohoohhh!!! Shopping na naman!

Quote of the Day:
"Yes. Meron na kong pambili ng date" - From a piping engineer after the townhall meeting.


*****
Attended lunch meeting kanina. It’s a program for manila new college program. It’s a regular forum where members who have joined as their first employer after college can discuss common issues and interact with more senior employees and management. It also serves as a guidebook to help plan individual careers of Fluor. Its actually an interesting program, one that promotes camaraderie since all of us are from different departments. Basically we (13 members) are the pioneer members of the program. We’ll be having discussions, various topics about our scope of work, getting acquainted with Fluor’s culture and of course find our way into our preferred career path. Next meeting we'll be naming our organization, then election of president and vice-president. First topic will be Global Execution Program. Hope we could pull this through.

*****
My boss and I are not talking to each other. Instead he sends e-mails. Katabi ko lang siya. The other day kasi he was still insisting on checking and re-checking our datasheet status for the nth time that I was not able to hide my annoyance. Somewhere between our conversation I blurted out “Haay (sigh of exasperation and inis), nasusuka na ko sa ginagawa ko.” Ooops. Oh no, I think my PA (Performance Appraisal) is going to suffer for this.

*****
Last night we watched Ring 2. It was freakier than the first one since there are more of Sadako there. Ok na sana yung huling scene sa well kaya lang biglang naging comedy. Di makarelate? Buy the CD na lang, may pirated na available.

Nasusuka na ko sa ginagawa ko. Please somebody shoot me.

*****
Finished installing Skillsoft Courses during lunchbreak. Salamat, mabz! =) Will start taking Performance and Development Plan Orientation tomorrow, promise.

*****
I think maybe there's a cheating curve... that someone's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves wants to cheat. That's moral relativism... quantum cheating... The act of cheating is defined by the act of getting caught. One does not exist without the other... I wonder, is cheating like the proverbial tree in the park? That it doesn't exist if no one is around to catch you? In a gravity world where anything goes, what constitutes cheating?

Carrie, Sex and the City

cutie! *grin*

Last day of Eve, Edralin, Connie and Maricar here in the office. The company had to retrench people in every department since upcoming projects were either postponed or will start at the second quarter of the year.. So that means the latest contractuals hired had to be removed after completing their contract. Feel so sorry for them. Hope they could find jobs soon. Mamimiss namin kayo!!

Bought another cellphone (Siemens ME45)! Yay! Ok, I know it’s way over my budget but it’s definitely a steal. Besides two-gives naman eh. Hehe.

Wagi! Tapos na rin akong magbilang ng tags. Wohhooohh!!!!!

I do not know what the world is trying to tell me. But on my way to the office I drew out the curtains of the shuttle and I was awed by how the sun is shinning. It seems to glow and it casts an orange-gold hue to everything. Sometimes this cruel world amazes me. 6:45 A.M.

*****
Just settle for the shape your life takes, instead of always waiting and wishing for what might make you happy. -She's Come Undone


*****
Monster Radio RX 93.1 is keeping me company 7:42 A.M.

I broke up with Brt. I told him I'm not happy anymore. So after three years and four months I am alone again. It will be difficult I know but I will get throught this. I always do.

****
Right now I'm:
seating here in this dingy internet cafe
blogging
finished reading Memoirs of a Geisha
reading She's Come Undone and Sophie's World
exuding my bitchy aura
pathetic
confused
tired
in need of a drink
broke
hurting
alone