last monday was brt's bday. other kulafu friends also dropped by - donna, abbie, janis, aries, adz, norman. the usual, inom. there was a liquor ban yesterday because of election but that that did not hinder us from celebrating. brt's friend smuggled two cases of red horse at the sari-sari store nearby. at around 9pm i stopped taking my tagay. di ko kayang makipagsabayan sa kanila. they're a bunch of hard drinkers. and besides i have work today and i coudn't afford a hang-over.
anyway, when it was time to go home -- pagkatapos ibungo ni brt ung car nila for the second time, bragging that he'll drop us off at P. Cruz, all of us took a taxi and dropped each other off. brt accompanied me home. my mom was still up, and was surprise to see him with me. since lasing na sia i offered him to sleep in my room while i sleep with my mom. then the inevitable conversation happened. i kept avoiding his questions - if i still love him? why do i keep on out of nowhere to call him the day he feels that he's finally ok and can now move on without me? why do i keep him hanging? i felt terrible. i couldn't look him in the eye. sobra na nga talaga ako. i mean, who am i to mess up with anybody's feelings like that? lalo na ke brt. ang dami naming pinagdaanan, he treated me well, molded his dreams for me, and i treated him like shit. i couldn't say sorry. how would that change everything?
i just saw myself for what i really am. a self-centered bitch. part of me is thinking that maybe i deserve the way v is treating me right now. does he know that i'm keeping two of 'em? i don't know. most probably not. but then who am i to just put him on spot asking him about our existing relationship or the lack of it when i'm still having my ex on the scene?
cleaning this mess i have somehow gotten into won't be easy. i don't want to lose both of them. last night, brt and i decided not to see each other for a while. he said we couldn't be friends for now. with v, i don't really know... though i do not have deep feelings for him yet i really liked him. and i hope we can move up our level of relationship... whatever that may be.
anyway, when it was time to go home -- pagkatapos ibungo ni brt ung car nila for the second time, bragging that he'll drop us off at P. Cruz, all of us took a taxi and dropped each other off. brt accompanied me home. my mom was still up, and was surprise to see him with me. since lasing na sia i offered him to sleep in my room while i sleep with my mom. then the inevitable conversation happened. i kept avoiding his questions - if i still love him? why do i keep on out of nowhere to call him the day he feels that he's finally ok and can now move on without me? why do i keep him hanging? i felt terrible. i couldn't look him in the eye. sobra na nga talaga ako. i mean, who am i to mess up with anybody's feelings like that? lalo na ke brt. ang dami naming pinagdaanan, he treated me well, molded his dreams for me, and i treated him like shit. i couldn't say sorry. how would that change everything?
i just saw myself for what i really am. a self-centered bitch. part of me is thinking that maybe i deserve the way v is treating me right now. does he know that i'm keeping two of 'em? i don't know. most probably not. but then who am i to just put him on spot asking him about our existing relationship or the lack of it when i'm still having my ex on the scene?
cleaning this mess i have somehow gotten into won't be easy. i don't want to lose both of them. last night, brt and i decided not to see each other for a while. he said we couldn't be friends for now. with v, i don't really know... though i do not have deep feelings for him yet i really liked him. and i hope we can move up our level of relationship... whatever that may be.
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