August 31, 2004

After choir practice I went along with Che and Ai northbound.

Dinaanan ko muna sa imprenta si Brt para sabay na kaming pumunta sa bahay nila. When we got there Brt's andun ang lahat ng pamilya nila - pinsan, tito at tita, lolo at lola. Siempre me videoke habang nagiinuman. They had one of those high-tech na microphone na may chips at dun na lang pipindutin para makakanta. Ayos diba. A real must have for every videoke lover. Binanatan ko ung Crazy ni Patsy Cline, at ilan sa mga kanta ng EBTG at Sade.

So there I was being just like part of his family a few years ago. I guess a considerable part of the difficulty leaving Brt is leaving his family. Coz really, breaking up is just twice as hard when you have begun to love you’re bf’s family and friends. Those years together I have come to love Brt’s nephews John Dale and Carl. His sisters Ate Cathy – my kabatak sa kakikayan, Ate Malyn and his cousin Retchel. And even after we broke up when we got a chance to talk over the phone we update each other with what’s been going on around each other’s family. Even my sisters lalo na si Ate asked about Brt frequently. And it didn’t help that they feel bad about the breakup with comments like "Kawawa na man si Kuya Brt" and the likes.

Matanong kita. Ano mas pipiliin mo? Ung mas mahal mo kesa mahal ko o the other way around?

+++

On my way to work I suddenly remember I do not have small bills for my fare. All I’ve got on my bag was a P500 bill and a few coins. And I was already halfway from home on a tricycle. I counted the coins and got only like P18. Fifteen bucks for a tricycle ride and another 5.50 bucks for the jeepney fare. After getting out of the tricycle I looked around for open stores and spotted a bakery. Headed straight since I was thinking I got a good chance of exchanging my P500 bucks for smaller bills since they have a lot of customers during the mornings. Apparantly not. But this sweet lady running the store was kind enough to give me 2.50 after I have explained to her my situation. I thanked her profusely.

Worth blogging diba, may mga anghel pa pala sa lupa.

+++

I am currently listening to launchcast radio’s Classic R&B. The selection they’ve got is smashing! I feel like I’m in some dark cozy bar sipping my red wine. The room smelling of vanilla flavored tobacco. All the men and women dressed to the nines dancing slowly. Astig.

+++



August 30, 2004

Nothing much to do on my new project. Ho-hum.
===
My weekend was fine. At long last there was no rain and I am so ohkay with it.
===
Felt guilty for ditching Bart and my Kulafu friends for the nth time. Sunday afternoon on my calendar was the death anniversary of Brt’s Mom and I was supposed to be there. But then V came over that morning right after we came home from church and his ride all the way from Matabungkay. Of course, mauuna muna ang ka-boyprenan. After lunch we drove off to Action Hobbies to buy my helmet. Unfortunately, it was closed so we headed straight at his place. Rented a couple of vcds and bought recipes for the baked macaroni. While he cooked his baked macaroni I watched Rod Schneider’s Hot Chick. Rodel came half an hour later while I was laughing my head off. Janis called accussing me na inindyan ko na naman sila. I told her na nagusap na kami ni Brt, and I’ll be dropping by Monday night and I’ll pitch in for a few beers. She seemed mollified and after exchanging a few words we hung up. But really, I miss them.
===
Hot Chick was a good laugh. And I still love Adam Sandler even with the dingy hair.

V's sauce uhmm... lacks a bit of flavor. Siempre para di ma-offend all-praise kami ni Rodel sa kanyang luto. Dinaan na lang namin sa cheese at tinapay. =D
===


August 20, 2004

Thursday night

We took the brother of V’s friend at a hospital somewhere in Cavite to have his circumsicion.

Last night I saw my Dad. He wasn’t a ghost or anything like that. He was a patient rushed through the emergency room. A patient who has my father's eyes, frail figure and all. When I first glanced at the patient he seemed unconcious. And then I turned again and suddenly he looked at me. And for a moment I couldn’t breathe. It was exactly the way my Dad looked at me. As the old man was being carried to the X-ray room our eyes held for a few seconds and it was like my real dad was there. And he's silently reaffirming that it's OK he's not nagtatampo because I wasn't there during his last moment. That I shouldn't feel guilty at all. That few seconds it felt like he was some place he's happy and I sensed his peace.

+++

Maybe I might have to do things his way of thinking. Maybe I shouldn’t whine all the time, demand too much, get affected by everything. It just won’t work. He doesn’t see things from where I’m looking.

+++

August 04, 2004

this ain't a dream...

... first time to ride a big bike. was in my pajamas when v came over and we took a spin across roxas boulevard. i remembered myself screaming... :) stopped by a church in the middle of the reclaimed area. talked. then went home ...




August 02, 2004


Plumb - Real

Look at me I'm twenty three
Beautiful a sight to see
Tonight
A little dress to draw the press
And I'll be leaving
All the rest behind
Well be pleased girl
If this is what you wanted
The whole world is watching you take the stage
What will you say
Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real
I close my eyes imagine time
Will not forget
My sacrifice
I numb the ache and decorate
My emptiness
Stand naked in the light
Well be pleased world
If this is what you wanted
This young girl is everything that you made
What will she say
Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real
The world goes home
The lights go down
My lipstick fades
Away
Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real
Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real